Sexy Lolita?

I shouldn't have to warn you about this, but well: 
Slightly feminist post ahead! You have been warned!

Last week a topic was brought up on EGL that had a bunch of people screaming "troll!", gasping in horror or hiding under their beds. Sexyness and all related topics are what can best be described as taboo in Lolita.

The question was, whether you do or do not feel sexy in your Lolita clothes. Many people responded with something along the lines of "No, I do not see Lolita as sexual" or "No, I do not think Lolita clothes are sexy in any way". That was also pretty much my response- But then a user wrote something that I found interesting, and that made me think.

She/He commented on how many positive feelings that women have, are turned "sexual" in some way. "Confidence is sexy", "Being comfortable is sexy", "A happy woman is a sexy woman" etc.
I am sure you have seen or heard something a kin to this at some point recently.

How often do you hear something similar said about a man?
How often are men asked if a particular shirt, suit, pair of pants or any other clothing item makes them feel sexy?

This topic brings up a couple of very interesting issues, at least in my opinion.
Why are the way women feel being sexualized, even when that feeling has nothing to do with a boyfriend/girlfriend or sexual themes?
And why do people within our own community have an interest in whether or not other Lolitas feel sexually attractive in their Lolita clothes?

Interesting thoughts, that I think mostly have roots in a culture that is very dominant in most cultures I have knowledge of. The very simple principle that women are, well, sexualized, and that principle is in-grained in men as well as women.
Women accept that it is the norm in our culture for women to strive to look and feel sexual at all times.

"Smile! You look so much prettier that way!", not because we want you to be happy.
Why are you not looking pretty for us? Correct that right away!

From what I've heard and experienced in Lolita culture, a lot of girls are attracted to Lolita fashion to get away from the pressure to look and feel sexualized. It is a relaxing- getting away from the pressure and society's expectations. This causes a knee-jerk reaction when the outside culture knocks on the door and somebody brings up the "horrible, dreaded and dirty" topic of sexuality in this safehaven of non-sexualness.

Even if all of the above sounds like I'm banishing everything that has to do with sex from "My Lolita", that is not the case. I think the sexual part of human existence has it's place in Lolita as well. And not just in Ero-Lolita.

Hear me out!

To me, Lolita is partially about being free from society's expectations on how a woman should look, act and feel. This means being free from restrictions in general.
Lolita is about the ultimate freedom to look and feel like yourself- It would take away from this freedom to beat yourself up over feeling sexy in Lolita.
 If you feel empowered and sexy in Lolita, so be it! You're living your dream, aren't you?
Why should my feeling of being strong, whimsical and beautiful in Lolita be any "better" or more "right" than feeling sexy and confident? Lolita is about something different for everyone.

Lolita might not be "sexy" in the conventional sense, but that doesn't mean that you can't feel sexy!

Lolita is the freedom to look and feel the way that is right and true for you, after all.

52 Weeks: Most Versatile Item I Own

This is the second week of the Lolita Blog Challenge, and this weeks topic is number 39, "The Most Versatile Lolita Item I Own"! 

I think every wardrobe should have a piece that can easily be dressed up or down, and works for any occasion. The Lolita's "Little Black Dress", I guess you could say!

For me, it actually is a "little black dress"! 

My most versatile item is Baby the Stars Shine Bright's Ekaterina JSK!
What I think makes this JSK so incredibly versatile is that everything that makes this JSK special, is in the detailing. There are no huge ruffles, no chiffon, no big flowy sleeves or shiny embroidery. It is all in the soft lace and little pleats, and the puff in the straps give it that little extra that actually looks great on top of a black blouse with long sleeves. It makes it look like the sleeves have an elegant poof to the shoulders.

Here it is in a casual outfit! It looks simple and pretty much work appropriate.
It may look simple here, but I've also worn it with an elegant black chiffon blouse, a huge victorian hat with a veil and big gothic platform shoes. That's the magic of the little black dress, and the reason a dress like this is what I recommend for beginners as one of the first building blocks in their wardrobe. It doesn't have to be black. It should just be something that matches most of the wardrobe, or a neutral color, with beautiful detailing that can be toned down, or made the focus point of the outfit depending on the accessories!

So, that would be the piece in my wadrobe that is pretty much worth it's own weight in gold!

Do you agree on my recommendations? What do you think is the trademark of a versatile Lolita piece?

To see the list of the 52 Weeks Challenge, click here.

I'll update the list every week so both you and I will be able to follow which topics I've done!

Wearing Lolita to Special Occasions

Once in a while I see questions about how appropriate Lolita is for various occasions, popping up. This weekend I'll be attending a grand family party. My brother is turning 18 and by danish standards, that makes him a grown-up. As such, you could say that this birthday will be the second most important birthday in his life, next to his first one! 

As much as I love lolita, and as much as I'd love to be dressed up in the coord that I feel most beautiful and comfortable in for this special occasion, I've decided not to. And here is why.

In my opinion, Lolita is just not appropriate for occasions where the spotlight belongs to other people. Lolita is an attention grabbing fashion, and no matter if you or anybody else wants it to or not, it will no doubt take away attention from the bride, the birthday child, the old couple celebrating their 50 years anniversary, the baby etc. 

What do you think people will be remembering afterwards? You will, believe me, be a topic of discussion for most of the guests in the car on the way home. When they should be discussing how much fun they had, and how amazing it is that the couple lasted that long, how beautiful the bride looked, etc.

You might say "What's the big deal?" and I get that. You and I are used to Lolita, we wear it often, and people should in general care less about what other people are wearing on their body. A wedding or a birthday party is just not the place to force people to practice that skill. You take away from the magic of the occasion, and you're stealing someone elses thunder. 

If you're not a classic lolita with a very, very discrete wardrobe, with plenty of tights and petticoats with pretty much no poof, you should just not wear lolita to occasions that revolve around celebrating someone else. Especially not if you know your family, or the center of attention, dislikes the fashion. In my case, I know my mom will (as discreetly as possible) start drama about my fashion choices. This will annoy me, and apparently, it's bothering her. It's just not worth it on a special day when we're supposed to be having fun, and it ruins the atmosphere for everybody else.

So when IS lolita appropriate? Is it ever?

Absolutely! 

On your special occasions, I say go nuts, no matter what anybody else thinks! Your birthdays, your wedding, your anniversary, you decide! If you've been nice enough to not wear it on other peoples' special days, they shouldn't be allowed to complain at all when you're the one calling the shots. If they do, they're just rude.
Also, you should be allowed to wear it to any "neutral" party. That means regular parties, family gatherings with no special center of attention, and the like. 

Oh, and there is one free-pass that you can get to the advice above, of course! If the center of attention tells you that you should wear Lolita to that special occasion of theirs! Then, do what they tells you! You've got an awesome individual right there, and they deserve seeing you dressed to the nines if they love your fashion choices!

It all really just comes down to being considerate of other peoples' feelings, I guess. That, and not being so "considerate" that you're holding back for no reason and let other people rule you on "your own" days.

Obviously it's your decision in the end and you decide what to do. You know your family and your social circle better than I do. But I really think you should think twice before putting on that huge twin-tail wig and Sugary Carnival JSK to your aunt's wedding- You might ruin her day a little bit, and is that worth "standing up for your right to wear whatever you want" for?

The Weekly Lolita Blog Challenge!

I got inspired by a couple of blogs that I love, and I'm in a mood to challenge myself a little bit, so: I'm gonna do a hardcore Lolita challenge! A Lolita extreme sport, if you will. (Since bungee jumping or rock climbing is not that practical in petticoats)

I present to you, F Yeah Lolita's 52 Week Blog Challenge! Once a week I'm gonna pick a random number from this list, using Random.org, and write a blog post on the topic. I changed some of the topics that I've already written about with a topic of my own. (The ones in purple are my own additions)

So, Ready?.. Set... GO!

1. 5 pieces that every Lolita wardrobe should have, regardless of style
2.  5 movies for Lolitas
3.  What my own Lolita lifestyle is like 
4.  Favorite thing to put on my head
5.  My wardrobe turnover
6.  My favorite Lolita brand
7.  Why I wear Lolita?
8.  Why don't I wear Lolita more often?
9.  5 keywords that describe my personal Lolita style
10.  What I've always wanted to try in Lolita
11.  3 trends I wish would come back
12.  Combining other fashions with Lolita
13.  Lolitas I have met in real life
14.  Lolitas I would love to meet
15.  3 things I wish I was told when I was a new Lolita
16.  10 facts about my Lolita wardrobe
17.  Make an unusual clothing item work in a coordinate
18.  Trends I thought I would never get into, but I now love
19.  Trends I thought I loved, but now I'm not too keen on
20.  How satisfied I am with my current wardrobe
21.  Plan for a trip! A week's worth of Lolita outfits I can fit in a small suitcase
22.  How I accessorize
23.  What influences my Lolita style
24.  What's in my makeup bag
25.  Best places to wear Lolita
26.  How I get out of a wardrobe slump
27.  Purses that I love
28.  Bloomers or no bloomers?
29.  Lolitafying things in my everyday life
30.  How long it took me to build a complete wardrobe
31.  Impulse buys that were totally worth it
32.  My best deal
33.  Something that I made
34.  Wardrobe blunders! Things I bought that I ended up regretting!
35.  What I thought when I got my first real piece of Lolita
36.  3 Things I love the most about Lolita
37.  Something that's not my style, but I love anyways
38.  Favorite hair style
39.  Most versatile Lolita item I own
40.  5 inspirational fictional characters
41.  Fondest meetup memory
42.  The ways in which I fit the cliche
43.  The ways in which I do not fit the cliche
44.  How strangers react to my clothes, and how I react to their reactions
45.  Something that was a gift
46.  Parasols: Vital or frivolous?
47.  The item in my wardrobe that was the hardest to get
48.  My "signature" outfit
49.  My favorite Lolita print
50.  What's in my closet, but I haven't worn yet!
51.  Predict the next Lolita trend!
52.  How Lolita has changed me

This Weeks Topic is:

The Best Places to Wear Lolita!

There are a couple of places that I find to be the ideal places to wear Lolita. 
Not because of the occasion, or for practical reasons (when is lolita fashion ever practical?), not even because of ease or anything like that. 
To me, the feeling of a dream-like or fairytale-like atmosphere is one of the best things in the world, so therefore I think the best places to wear lolita are..

The Forest
I've had plenty of magical walks through the forest in my lolita. It feels peaceful, talking a walk alone like that, far away from the noise and fog of the city. I recommend dressing up to the nines on a sunny day, bringing along your parasol and your iPod and just strolling along the trail. Put on some music to set the mood, and try and imagine how, centuries before you, a carriage might have driven their horses along the same trail, gorgeous women in Robes a la Francaise gossipping about the handsome guards inside, and what might be awaiting them that night when they reach the..

Castle

As a great old history geek, I love any old setting. Be it a patch of dirt where a roman camp once stood, or of course, a castle! Imagine my excitement when I got to dress up in lolita when I went to versailles last year! I could practically hear the rustle of dresses, smell the overwhelming, headache-causing perfume from centuries back, and you feel like part of the story in your frills. Castles come in all shapes and sizes, be-fitting of any lolita style. The only negative point would be people thinking you're part of the show and clicking away with their cameras.

Victorian Tea House

Few things are better than when the surroundings match the serenity of a good cup of tea, and that is victorian decor to me. A victorian tea house is the perfect place to meet up with friends and perpetuate the deeply rooted lolita stereotypes of lolitas all being classy and polite flowers.

(Owning a good stereotype now and again is hilarious, imo!)

Oh, and I love me a good cup of tea.

So, that was the first installment in a long series of posts. It seems like they will, surprisingly enough, make me think of lolita from all new angles.

What do you think are the perfect places to wear Lolita? Do you agree?
Let me know!

Photoshoot: Urban Maiden

This weekend I had the great joy of once again modelling for the talented photographer mr. Christian Møllnitz of Imagen Photography, and this time I got to do it in my frills!

It was cold, it was wet and it was quite the adventure crossing the dark waters (an empty, muddy lot) to get to the abandoned silos, but I had a blast as always and we got some stunning photos out of it!
Personally, I love the contrast of sweet and elegant classic Lolita in an urban setting with the graffiti and concrete walls.

OK, on to the photos I picked out especially for you!

Coord Rundown:
JSK and Bonnet: Infanta
Blouse: HMHM
Coat: HMHM
Socks: Secret Shop
Shoes: Offbrand
Parasol: Alice and the Pirates
Accessories: Offbrand

My Favorite Lolita Documentaries and other videos

Even though I've been a Lolita for a couple of years now and am pretty sure I know what those strange rufflebutts are all about, I still enjoy relaxing to a lolita documentary now and then. It's interesting to observe how different Lolitas from different parts of the world, or even within the same country, describe lolita fashion to outsiders- What they find to be important and defining characteristics of Lolita as a community, and the fashion in itself.

Here are a couple of the documentaries I relax to, in no particular order. I list the countries, though, just to bring some perspective!

Happy watching!

Lace and Petticoats

(Australian)

Lolita in Translation

(American)

A French "documentary" brought as part of the show "Hors Serie" (multiple parts)

(French)

Sugar Coated

(American)

Lifestyle of Goth-Loli Girls

(Japanese)

And last but not least, the first Lolita documentary I watched:

LoliGirls: The Story Behind the Frills and Bows

(American)

I find "LoliGirls" to be a bit different, as it puts a lot of emphasis on the spiritual part of being a lolita- not something that every lolita can identify with. To me, it brings back a bunch of nostalgia and I still watch it for fun, time and time again.

I hope you were as entertained as I continue to be by these documentaries!

Here are a couple of links to other interesting Lolita related videos and channels that I recommend:

Australias Next Top Model meets Japanese Street Fashion

The link speaks for itself. Major culture clash!

Princess Peachie's Youtube channel
She makes a bunch of cute and informative videos. Great for beginners! This decription actually also fits Shelby Cloud's Youtube Channel

Deerstalker Pictures

True video-wizards, through and through! Also makes trailers for Haenuli!

Lovely Lor's Youtube Channel
Very entertaining with a lively personality!

Fille de Porcelaine's Youtube Channel

The perspective of multiple styles on one channel!

And for the more gothically influenced (and maybe even if you're not) I recommend:

Gothic Charm School's Youtube Channel
The Lady of the Manners also has a website (and she has written a book of the same name) where she gives out advice to goths of all shapes, sizes and ages, but I find myself slowly nodding in agreement and recognition when reading her posts on life as an excentrically dressed individual. Give it a try!

Do you have a link or two to some videos that you enjoy but I might not have seen yet? Let me know in the comments!

Lolita Blog Carnival: How I Got Interested in Lolita Fashion

This week's Lolita Blog Carnival theme really brings back memories! 
It's incredible how long back ones' road to lolita-dom really starts, when you think about it. It might all, and this is a bit of a stretch, really have started when you were 4 years old and your grandma bought you this princess Barbie, and from then on you were hooked on princesses. The seed to what would become your Lolita aesthetic. 

As I said, that might be a stretch, but I consider my road to lolita-dom to have started back when I started school. That's when I met my closest childhood friend. 

But let's move forward a little bit: 

I was introduced to Lolita back in my "weaboo" days. I had lost contact to that special childhood friend of mine even further back, when I moved to a different part of the country. Luck would have it, that my aunt still worked in Copenhagen, and I knew that my childhood pal's mom was a colleague of hers.

I really was your typical teenage weaboo. I dressed in Naruto sandals and cat ears. I ended pretty much every sentence with a "nyan~" and was sure that I was the decendant of some kind of magical girl. I'm very fortunate that my parents were decent at dealing with my teenage identity crisis. I was about 13-14 years old or so. 

One random day, my aunt let me know that my old friend had also gotten into that "japanese thing", and I excitedly demanded that I get her phonenumber so I could call her immediately! 

Of course it turned out that she was about 300% cooler than I'd ever be, at least in my own opinion. I was awed by her Visual Kei-awesomeness. She dressed well, she was beautiful, incredible when it came to drawing and she had brought japanese magazines along with her and introduced me to "An-Café". (I still listen to them. So much nostalgia..)
All of that added up to her being everything I all of a sudden wanted to be.

Of course I decided to get into Visual-Kei immediately, but that was nothing new. I had always wanted to get into goth, or punk, or emo, or some other alternative fashion. It didn't really matter to me which it would be. I just wanted to dress differently. I have always been the kind of person who gets really into a project in the beginning, but never finishes anything. 
That also meant that my wardrobe was a mess, of course.

My friend showed me the online forum for the first ever japanese fashion community in Denmark. It was one forum for all the japanese fashions that were big back then- Visual Kei, Decora, Gyaru and, yes, Lolita. 

I don't know why, but I ended up spending a bunch of money on the first (and really not the best) Lolita stuff that was up for sale on there, including an ita-astic blouse with scratchy lace and shiny ribbon, a rectangle headdress and skirt, and a pair of black and purple platforms. The perfect coordinate, as you can imagine.
As soon as it arrived, it was buried in the back of my closet never to be seen again. I had already moved on to the next thing- Asian Ball Jointed Dolls. 
Of course I managed to thoroughly embarrass myself before I left the online community, by trying to create a lolita coord out of whatever I had in my closet and posting it online. 

A couple of years passed. I was actually into ABJD's for at least 3-4 years. 
It was a boring day sometime in mid-late november when I, pretty much out of nowhere, remembered that online community that my friend had shown me years ago, and I decided to google it. I found that it had a new url, but it was still thriving. I read everything on there about Lolita- I was skeptical about sweet lolita, and gothic was too dark for me. I fell in love with the romance of classic lolita but, impatient as I will always be, the oldschool stuff I had bought 3 years ago would have to do for now.
And the rest is history. I didn't even consider it- It just felt natural that I spend all my money on an obscure street fashion, right out of nowhere. 

It's fun to think back and notice how everything has changed- today, the romantic and simple lolita style that got me hooked at first is the least appealing to me. I have become gradually more "extreme" in my lolita preferences- The the bonnet, the rufflier the dress, the brighter the print, the happier I am. 
And that goes for any Lolita "genre."

I guess lolita for me was a thing that I had to mature for, and grow into.
My style and my preferences have broadened and changed, and I have no idea where I'll end up. My style keeps evolving.

Thinking back, it was all pure luck. Had I gone to a different school, I would never have met that one girl, and she would never have introduced me to Lolita fashion, and it's safe to say that I would've been an entirely different person whose life would have been totally different. 

Thanks for reading!
And hey- Please tell me, how did you get into Lolita fashion? I love hearing other peoples' stories!

Wanna know how some other awesome bloggers fell down the rabbit hole?

Gothic Strawberry

The Cute Lifestyle

Her Lumpiness
Sidhe Banshee
Oh Velveteena
All Sweet in Deed
Alice in Lolitaland
Wild Jackalopes
A Sweet Lolita's Disney Life
The Bloody Tea Party
Hello Batty
Pretty Little Habits