Wank Comms: "Oh No! I Got Posted!"

Original picture from 123rf.com

Opinions are split when it comes to the so-called "Wank Communities" that haunts our fashion. Many people do not like them and try to avoid them, some people thrive on the drama that they create, and some people again use them to get their "drama fix" or to let of some steam.
But what is the point of Wank Communities? Why do they exist?
Let's use two of the more well-known communities as examples.

Behind the Bows

"Behind the Bows", or BTB for short, is a livejournal-based community which purpose is to serve as a place to which people can send in anonymous "secrets" or "confessions" that they are not brave enough to (or just do not want to) discuss with their name attached to it. Sadly, people tend to take advantage of the anonymity and send in fake secrets just for the sake of stirring up drama. BTB is also way too often used as a place for angry Lolitas to humiliate and hurt other Lolitas, which is fairly easy as they can publicly drag other people through the mud and won't have to take responsibility for their words. 

Personally, I like the concept of the community in itself. It could be neatly used as community where Lolitas could anonymously discuss lighter and "heavier" issues that we have in our international community, but the anonymity that attracts people is also what is pulling the concept apart, and has turned it into the drama-machine that it is today. It is simply too hard for the moderators to sort the fake secrets from the real ones, and to me, the personal attacks are wholly unnecessary and doesn't add anything of value to the community. 

I won't say that Behind the Bows is purely bad, though! Some secrets, even the fake ones, do bring up some interesting discussions on all kinds of issues that our community faces! 

The secrets have hidden gold mixed in with all sorts of rotten mush.

Get Off EGL

"Get Off Egl" is another livejournal-based community. It has been around since 2007 and serves as a place for Lolitas to discuss and make fun of the actions of people who come in and disturb the peace of the huge, international EGL community (and occasionally other communities). The topics of discussion can be anyone from scammers on the EGL Comm Sales to newbies who ask too many questions or people who post things that are irrelevant, strange or offensive. While the purpose of this community is not at all "noble", I think Get Off Egl serves an indirect purpose of being a secondary EGL "police". The idea of ending up on this community and getting discussed might make some people think twice about what they post and make them check the "memories" one more time. The tone on Get Off Egl only seems to get really harsh when the "offense" posted is something harsh, for example a scammer. The less hostile tone might be due to the banning of anonymous posting, which in my opinion, is worth it. I have seen people get posted for lesser things, like being a new Lolita with a not-so-perfect first coord, which is definetely a minus to me. Stay classy, girls!

How do you handle it if you end up posted in one of these communities?

First of all: Do not panic and type out something that you will regret. Close the window and complain about the post to a friend or someone else that you're close to, if you feel the need to do so. Get an honest second opinion if someone you know, and is on friendly terms with, is familiar with the situation. Cool down and reflect on the situation. What did you do to get posted? Did you make some kind of mistake that caused someone else to be frustrated or annoyed with you? If you did, you can choose to join the discussion and own up to it. Be the mature person in the conversation and do not let whatever insults they might have slung at you get to you. Do not get into an argument or sink down to their level! 

Why should you take insults from some person on the internet to heart, anyway? Especially if you haven't done anything wrong at all! If someone dislikes your coord and chooses to insult you online, well, you're not the one with the problem. The poster could have chosen to give you some constructive criticism, but chose to try and hurt you and poke fun of you in public instead. That person is not someone you want to make friends with, so their opinion doesn't matter.

You have another alternative to all of the above: 

You can choose to stay away from wank communities all together. Many people do, and getting involved in the drama is not a requirement for being a part of the Lolita community. 

Do whatever makes you comfortable!

Links to the communities mentioned in this post:

Behind the Bows 

Get Off Egl