Wearing Lolita to School: Lolita Undercover?

Hello, everyone! I hope you're all enjoying your Summer, as long as it lasts. Halloween isn't far away, and with that comes Christmas. As much as I hate rain and snow, I can barely wait for my favorite holidays to arrive!

With the end of Summer, however, also comes the dilemma many Lolitas face at the beginning of a new school year.

Yesterday, a young Lolita in my local community wanted to hear our opinion. She had just begun class at a new school, and her peers were, shall we say, less than openminded to some of her alternative interests. Should she try her luck and continue to wear Lolita every day, in spite of this?

"To Lolita or not to Lolita?" is the question. "Mayhaps", is my answer.

(How come I've never done a post on this topic before?!)

First of all, there are a couple of factors you need to consider, before wearing Lolita to school, and they are not all related to the stares and snickers of your peers. 

For instance, what are you allowed to wear? In some countries, dresscode (apart from basic decency, like covering up your chest and butt) is not a problem at most public schools, but it's a good idea to check, anyway. You don't want to be sent home before your day has even begun, for breaking the rules! Some rules may be vague and could be bent to suit your particular situation, so if you're absolutely set on wearing Lolita anyway, you could print out the rules and plead your case if the need should arise. Just don't make a fuss about it.
If there's no dresscode, you can do whatever you want. Some people think that you should keep your frills at home and wear them on "your own time", as to not distract yourself or your classmates. 

My opinion on this is as my opinion on dresscodes that forbids tanktops for women: People can keep their eyes to themselves. Problem solved. If you're able to wear Lolita and concentrate on learning at the same time, there's no problem.

Now to the main concern of most Lolita ducklings (and maybe even some less confident Lolitas): The approval of your fellow students. Because, let's face it, that is what it comes down to. And that's completely natural! 

Don't read this in a condescending voice, because it's definetely not meant that way.
The want to fit in and make new friends comes easily to most of us, unless you're a born lone wolf, like I am. Society encourages popularity, the "Extroverted Way of Life", and this, in companionship with the way being "Normal" is pushed on everyone, makes for an especially nasty cocktail for people who dress in an alternative way. Being different, and wanting to fit in, rarely go hand in hand.
In some places, better than others.

I was blessed with relatively peaceful high school years. 

Did I fit in? Not really. Did people stare at me in my Lolita finery? Definetely. 

And you should be prepared for stares, just as much as when you go outside. The difference is, that these are people you're gonna see every single day, and you'll maybe even have to interact with them! Some of them may come up with mean-spirited remarks, some of them may compliment you. That varies from school to school, and you know better than I, what you think you can expect. If you have no idea, expect some comments and questions.

So, what do you do? 

You think you might want to wear Lolita to school, and your first day of the new school year is coming up! However, you're unsure of how your classmates will react.
I say, keep it casual. Wear a toned down version of whatever type of Lolita you want to wear, and pay attention to how people respond to you, and how you feel about it. 

The trick is to act completely natural, and I cannot stress this enough. Think and act natural, and really give it a shot. Don't give up immediately, if you really want to wear Lolita to school, in spite of what everybody else thinks. Act exactly as if you were just wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and if people insult you, unless they go up to you and get in your way, pretend that you have no reason to think that you're the one they're yelling about. Don't bring up your outfit in conversation, or talk about how you "Know you're totally Weird!" If you don't make a big deal out of it, other people will have to bring it up, and people tend to be a lot more civil when they have to pick up the courage to say something.
Just, live your life.

Don't let the comments get to you. That was a thing I really put emphasis on, when the girl asked for advice yesterday, and this is also probably the hardest part.
These people do not know you. They're closed minded, mean and/or insecure, and probably have the IQ of a bucket of rocks. That, and they do not have the strength to go against the herd, like you do. Few people really want to be mean, and the ones that do, are not people you really wanna be friends with anyway, are they? Why should their opinion matter to you? They're a waste of your time. You look fabulous, and you're smart enough to concentrate on your education and being a nice person.

In my opinion, you should only do something about it, if it escalates and you feel threatened. In that case, you should get an authority figure involved. Never, ever, put your safety in the line for the sake of wearing Lolita!

 And if you feel like the bullying is really getting you down, keep your frills at home. You're not a failure if you cannot deal with it. You just have your priorities straight. You should feel happy, empowered and comfortable in Lolita. Don't let a band of baboons in a classroom get you down- Your frills are yours. Wear them when you're safe, strong and happy!
You can always keep a little piece of it with you, in your pencilcase or a necklace, as a token. 

That way, you're kind of like a magical girl or princess undercover.

"Newb Season" and the Mentor Paradox

Summer is coming to and end, and so is the "youngin's" Summer vacation, at least where I am. This also, to many a Lolita's relief, means the ending of "newb season". Every year, as the season edges closer, groaning can be heard all over the Lolita internet hemisphere. When fall arrives, there are stories of actual gif parties to celebrate the end.

But why? 

It is known that there are Lolitas out there who'd rather see that Lolita stays a niche fashion, but many Lolitas are only excited to see Lolita gain recognition and, as a result, almost accurate media coverage! Wider recognition means brand stores opening up in other countries, and more easily accessible pretty things for all of us! It also means Lolita conventions, Tea Parties and other events, and last but not least, more Lolita friends to make.
(I'm also, personally, hoping for cuter and more elegant mainstream clothing inspired by Lolita. A girl can dream)

What is the downside of a seasonal influx of new Lolitas? 

Some of them actually stay and become part of our community, and it's so exciting to share our love with a fashion with a new, wide-eyed soul!

The downside is the result of one thing, and one thing only. And it really kills the joy, even to me, a devoted part-time Lolita mentor.
New Lolitas step into a world of complicated rules, piles and piles of new terms and shorthands. What does "JSK" stand for? What is a "Jumperskirt"? And there are a thousand stores to lerm to distinguish between! It's no wonder that a new person becomes lost!

Lolita can almost be compared to the court culture at Versailles, at a much smaller scale. You cannot just wear any shoe. Wearing the wrong make-up and a biker jacket may have girls giggling in the corner. That is were I and many other experienced Lolitas come in. Ask if you're in doubt about the "secret court rules"- We'll gladly let you know what shoes are appropriate in Lolita fashion, if neon colors are ever OK, or explain to you when it's alright to go without a blouse. Those things are complicated! It's not just "Yes!" or "No!", "Never!" and "Always!", but a matter of certain situations and the coordinate at hand, and part of what makes Lolita so fascinating! 

Also, giving constructive criticism to new Lolitas are essential to the learning process for a Lolita duckling, if they ask for it.

As you've probably noticed, new Lolitas are not the problem. Questions about complicated nuances and the grey zones in Lolita fashion are just fine, and perfectly understandable. They may even start interesting debates for the rest of us, and give us an opportunity to exchange views on things that we thought were established aspects of our fashion! When are neon colors OK in Lolita fashion, anyway!?

What makes "Newb Season" so frustrating is something that I as a Lolita mentor experience way too often: Laziness. Not my laziness, but an inexplicable laziness found in the young Lolita ducklings! "Where can I purchase Lolita clothing?" and "How do I get my skirt to puff up?" are a couple of the questions that make more experienced Lolitas drop their heads hard onto keyboards in agony. 

That is the curse of "Newb Season". 

The Googli-fication of online communities, and the permanent citizens of these that are being treated as if we were all Siri. 

I do not know what have prompted this. I do not know, if this is a new phenomenon, but it confuses me to no end! This makes me sound really old, but back when I first started out, I was so excited that I did all the research I could. I google'd, read blogs and "What is Lolita?" posts till I was blue in the face! I figured out for myself where to purchase Lolita clothing, I learned to avoid Milanoo like the plague all on my own, and figured out how to distinguish between proper Lolita clothing and nightmare-ish lace monsters through staring at pictures on "Daily Lolita" and guides like FYeahLolita's brilliant "How to Avoid Being an Ita".
I fell head over heels in love with Lolita, and that made me want to swallow the fashion whole. Figuratively.

Has this curiosity died out? What does that say about Lolita fashion, or the people joining the fashion?
I'm not sure. I like to think, that the new Lolitas joining are getting into it with the same love and eagernes that I did, and that the "Let me Google it!" mindset has just taken a step back.
The thing is, it's so easy to find reliable Lolita shops. Even easier than typing out a question on EGL, and a lot less dehumanising to the community.

We love helping out new Lolitas who truly seem like they want to become part of our world, and will work for it, the way we ourselves did. It also helps when the time and effort of a mentor is accepted with a smile and a "Thank you" instead of insulted frowning.
We're not a restaurant who'll hand it out on a silver platter.

I truly hope that many of this years Lolita ducklings will stick around, and start to grow their swan feathers.

Adieu, "Newb Season"!
Until next year.

LBC: "Mistakes" You've Made in Lolita and What You've Learned

For this week's installment in the Lolita Blog Carnival we're gonna get personal and a little bit embarrassed about our wee beginnings in the fashion, I think. For the most part.

I think most of us had an embarrassing moment or two when we started out in the fashion. Something we look back on with curled toes, and we just "Can't Believe we would do that!" and "Can't believe I thought that looked good!"
Well, because we hadn't really grasped the fashion yet. We still had yet to train our 'Coord Muscles'.
Personally, I'm really, really happy nobody remembers my first steps into the fashion. The first mistake I made was trying to build a few coords out of what I had in my closet, before I purchased actual Lolita clothing. When I finally got a skirt, I went into real experimentation, and I was a mess of styles. I've tried to find a picture or two, but they're long gone. 

And thank goodness for that..

However, what I think my biggest mistakes have been, were not in dressing myself.
I'm a firm believer in Lolita fashion as a learning process, for people who want to learn. You make mistakes, you learn from them, you evolve. There's no shame in that, as such, no matter how stupid you may've looked in your old outfit pictures.

I think the biggest mistake I've made was trying to convince my family to like and respect my clothing choices. I have a feeling that this is the thing that's biting my tailbone now.

When I first got into Lolita I was still very young, and so I insisted on respect and being taken seriously, and I protested every time I was told by my parents that they wouldn't be seen with me in Lolita fashion, and that when they rolled their eyes at me and said "Do you have to wear that around the house!?" I would get into a discussion with them about how much Lolita means to me, how it is part of who I am and how it is none of their business what I put on my body.
While I've since gotten older, they've slowly grown stricter, more openmouthed with their criticism, and a lot more harsh. I have a feeling that might have root in the way I handled the situation, or at least, I could have prevented it. I honestly do not take in what they say. It just gets tiring, getting insulted every time I meet them and am feeling my best, or put up a new photo from a meet-up on Facebook.

I still agree with what my younger self said, back in the day. If I could do it over, I just wouldn't have made such a big deal about it.

Here's a new piece of advice for young Lolitas who experiences trouble with their parents the way I did. Of course you know your parents best, so if you think taking the fight multiple times about whether or not you should wear the fashion that you love, will work, go ahead.
I think that what I should have done, would be to take the discussion once, calmly, and then when they refused to listen, just stop discussing it. Refuse to talk about it. Just wear the fashion, and then when they criticize, stomp the critique into the ground with a "Whatever." or "That's your opinion", and then let it go. Refuse to fight about it.

I think that might have gotten them to just give up at some point. Because I've responded to their criticism to often, it has given them the idea that I care what they think.
I don't, and that's what I'm trying to show them now.
I just pray that they're gonna get it soon!

What's the biggest mistake you've made in Lolita? Was it about fashion, or was it about the way you've communicated the fashion to the world?

To learn more about what not to do in Lolita fashion and how to handle it, click a link or 10 below!

A Heart's Sound
Sleeping Sweets

What to keep in mind when joining a Lolita community

Spring and summer is upon us, and as usual, this is the season where online Lolita communities are seeing a huge influx of new Lolitas who want to join in on the fun. Many new Lolitas use these communities to seek assistance from the more experienced members. Sometimes this works out just fine, but more often than not, the "Noob Season" is a season of a little bit of.. frustration for the community. The experienced members sneer at the newbies, and the newbies go off in a huff because of the "elitists".

All of this could easily be avoided. This is not a matter of elitism or stupidity. I think it's more a matter of thoughtlessness, and forgetting that there are actual humanbeings on the other side of the screen, as is way too often the case on the internet. 

So, you may be a new Lolita who want to join EGL, "Daily Lolita Coordinates" or a local community? I suppose you want them all to welcome you and to make friends, or at the very least have a pleasant experience. That means there are a couple of common mistakes you want to avoid.
Here is what you'll have to keep in mind.
But first and foremost, keep in mind that this is meant to help you, not criticize you.

1. The Community is not Google

So you've joined the community and you want to ask for some advice. You assure everyone that you've already done a ton of research, and you think you have. You've read everything about your chosen substyle, how you need a petticoat and a blouse. But where do you get a blouse? Well,
Google it. A simple google search for "white Lolita blouse" brought up "My-Lolita-Dress", a trusted reseller, as the third result. I know how it is to want to make sure that you do everything right from the beginning, but some things you can easily figure out for yourself. It seems lazy and rude if you expect other people to google it for you.

2. Treat the Community like a Friendly Stranger on the Street
(Or lurk for a bit!)
When joining a new community, if you are too excited to just lurk for a while without posting to figure out the "local way of conversation", for gods sake, be polite! Do not write your post as if you were writing a message to your best friend on Messenger! Write exactly as if you were asking a stranger for directions. This means using "please" and "thank you!", because just like that stranger, these people are taking time out of their day to read and respond to your post. And just like you wouldn't use random japanese phrases or terms of endearment when asking for directions, don't use them here. 

3. What type of community are you joining? Read the rules and description!
Lolita has a ton of different, connected online communities, with very specific purposes. We've got "Daily Lolita Coordinate" communities, where you can show off your coordinates, we've got sales communities for selling different clothing by specific brands, for specific locations and so on. Pay attention to what community you're joining, and what is meant to be posted there! This will keep you from making an irrelevant post that people will respond negatively to. Scroll down the page a bit too, just to get a glimpse of what people tend to post in there.
Also, a local community is very different from a global one, in terms of what will be tolerated. Introduction posts are usually fine on a local Facebook group, but tends to seem selfcentered on EGL, a community with thousands of members who don't know, or want to know, each other personally.

Here's a small list of communities that you can use, and what they specialize in!

EGL
The largest Lolita community. Primarily a place of discussion of new brand releases, aspects of Lolita culture and life, and Lolita related events. Questions can be asked, but keep in mind that your question has probably been asked a billion times before. Check the memories and tags, and google it first!
If you'd much rather join a local community, check out if one exists on Facebook, or check this list for one near you.

The Lolita Community Sales
This community is for buying, selling and trading only!
Buying and selling can also be done in brand-specialized or local communities on Facebook, or in the big Lolita Sales in English group.

Daily Lolita Coordinates/Closet of Frills
Two communites meant for showing off your coordinates, and asking for constructive criticism on your outfits.

Lolita Fashion Mentoring
If you really need to ask a bunch of questions and or is in need of some guidance, then I recommend joining the above community. I still recommend you google your questions first, but the Lolita mentors will gladly help if you're unable to find the answer this way, or need some advice on how to coordinate or are in another Lolita-related pinch. 


That was my tips for joining a Lolita community. Again, this is not criticizm of new Lolitas. I love when people join the Lolita community! I know the joy and excitement that Lolita can give, especially when you first join in and everything is still fresh and new to you! But I've also witnessed these common mistakes being made time and time again each year. 
If you just try and avoid them, however, there's no problem at all, and the community will be more than happy to help out! Even without tearing out any well-styled hairs!

So, there's only one thing left to be said:
Welcome to our community! 

On "Mean" Lolitas

Credit for Original Picture goes to yumi_sanxsushi

"I thought about becoming a lolita, but then I heard that you're all MEAN!"

Sounds familiar? Well, that's not so strange. There has been a lot of talk about how mean we all are, lately. Another phrase that has been used so much that it has become cheesy is that for a bunch of lovely girls, we are very ugly on the inside. 

So, is it true? are we all mean? Are even the majority of us mean?

No, definetely not. And I think that if a person should want to join our community, and then turn away because of the All Lolitas Are Mean-idea, then that person might need to take a deep breath, cool down and then come back to see for herself. Lolitas are people just like all other people, and we are a surprisingly diverse subculture. Some people would say that we are not even a subculture, because they think that the only thing we have in common, is clothes. So, considering that lolitas are a diverse group of people with different personalities, how come that we should all be mean? Well, my answer would be that some people get this idea from secret-communities and a very persistent rumor, concerning the often-referred-to-but-less-often-spotted Elitist Lolita. The Elitist is supposedly a snobbish, mean lolita who only wears brand clothes and looks down upon all new lolitas, lolitas who wear offbrand, and lolitas who are not Perfect. The Elitist is a bit like Bigfoot. People claim that this creature exists, but very few people have actually seen one. This rumor seems to especially thrive in secret communities, which are communities specifically designed to make anonymous confessions. People seem to take advantage of the anonymity to make troll-posts and blatant lies, just to make people mad or hurt someones feelings. 
 So, when people learn about this rumor, I think that many are ready to jump the gun and scream "Elitist!" as soon as they feel that they are being opposed. This tendency is only made worse by new lolitas already being scared of the rumor and of not fitting in.

From what I have seen in the lolita community myself, people tend to be civil, nice and helpful, but! Since lolitas are just people and not all Innocent and Forever Patient Maidens, they can also get a little tired of having new lolitas come into their community very often, which in itself is just nice, but when they all ask the same questions again and again, without taking the time to research their question first, they tend to get a little tired. 
If you are not a new lolita, and still believe the "All Lolitas Are Mean" rumor, maybe you should take a moment to reflect on the issue. Have you ever heard the phrase anywhere other than in Secret Communities or from new lolitas who claim that everybody responded in a mean way to their post? Probably not, but maybe you yourself feel that lolitas tend to be mean to you? Maybe you've just ended up in a bad drama-filled local community, in which case I would say that you should probably just step back and seek the company of more laid-back lolitas online, or encourage your local lolitas to work out their problems! Somebody has to take the first step, right?

If you continuously have bad experiences with other lolitas on the internet, or you are a new lolita  planning to make your first post, let me give you some handy tips!

• Try doing your research before posting a question! Do a google AND a community search and check the archive/memories before posting!

• Try writing your question and/or post in a mature and polite way, but don't overdo it! 1900-century mannerisms can be fun in a sentence or two, but don't use it for your entire post!

• Don't use too many japanese emoticons and the like. Don't use japanese phrases that are not a part of the relevant "Lolita Vocabulary".

• Behave maturely if you receive constructive criticism or if a person tells you to "Stop That!" even if you think that the other person is wrong. No good is gonna come out of starting an argument or slinging insults at each other. It's just gonna make you both look bad. Also, there is a difference between a civil discussion and an argument!

• Don't post stuff that is not lolita related in the slightest, unless the topic in that particular post allows it!

Many of those apply to real life encounters with other lolitas as well! Try your best to behave in a polite and mature manner, and if another lolita does not respond in kind, well, then at least it's not your fault. As I've said before, lolitas are just people with a different aesthetic, so yes, you may meet a mean person in our subculture, but that can happen anywhere! If you meet a person that behaves in a mean or cold way towards you, give that person a second chance and try to be nice. You don't know if the other lolita just had a bad day. Maybe his or her pet died. Simply avoid the other person if she keeps being mean every single time.

If you still want to leave or just not get into lolita because you might risk meeting a person that's not nice to you, or because you have had an unpleasant encounter, then just don't seek the company of other lolitas. Being a lolita is about wearing the clothes for yourself, afterall. You don't need the community to be a lolita.
But you're missing out on a lot of possible friendships if you stay away!

Your First Meet-Up: Joining the Mad Tea Party

With International Lolita Day coming up this saturday, I thought it would be appropriate to write a post on the topic of the Lolita's very first meet-up. After all, this is the perfect time to go to a meet-up for the first time! There are meet-ups happening all around the world on the same date, and even if there isn't one near you, it's the perfect occasion for you to arrange one! (As if we need an occasion other than just being fabulous people..)

The first Meet-up seems to be the dreaded big test for New Lolitas. It is an event of excitement, but also of great nervousness: Will they like me? Will they all laugh at me and whisper about me behind my back? Will they be embarassed to be seen with me if I happen to be "ita"?It is sad that something that should be looked forward to as something exciting and a chance to meet-up with new people with whom we share a huge interest has turned into an event of insecurity, and this insecurity seems to spread like wildfire through the new members of our community! I don't know from where the rumors of horribly elitist and exclusive meet-ups come from (the fairytale-like land of the "Elitist Lolita", mayhaps?), but I am sure meet-ups in most communities will be a pleasant experience if you just keep the following in mind:

Take Initiative

Even though I do believe that it would be appropriate for the other girls to do their best to engage new members of the community in conversation and make them feel like a part of the group, it won't encourage them to do so if you don't seem interested! Introduce yourself, strike up conversations with as many other people as you can, and don't get intimidated. None of the other participants, even the most fabulously dressed ones, are anything more than ordinary people with at least one interest in common with you, which means that you have plenty of things to talk about, and there's no need to feel like you're "not worthy". 
Ask questions! Where did she get her shoes? How long has he been into the fashion?
Taking initiative is actually a good idea on multiple levels. You can also take initiative before the meet-up! Ask if you should bring something, if there is anything you can help the host/hostess with, if you should plan a game, bring cookies or anything else. Being ressourceful like this is usually a source of admiration and will get you on the community's good side instantly. Also, by planning a game or something like that, you're making sure that you're gonna do something that makes it easier for you to bond with the other girls, if you're no good at the "talking to new people" thing. It's an ice-breaker! 
I recommend charades. It keeps being popular in my own community- It's especially fun if you make the main topic "Print Names" or something else that's Lolita-themed.

At the beginning of this post I made a quick note that if there are no meet-ups going on at ILD in your area, 
You could plan one
 Even if it's gonna be your first meet-up, I recommend it if you think you can handle it! Planning a meet-up is really not that difficult. You'll be responsible, yes, but it's not like you're planning a wedding here. You just have to maintain control over the basic stuff. That means keeping the community updated with the meeting time and place, where you'll be going, writing down who'll be attending to make sure you don't forget anyone at the meeting spot, making sure there's room for you at the café/restaurant/wherever (calling the place in advance or making a reservation), and knowing how to get there. 
That's pretty much it, and I'm sure the community will appreciate it. 
You can never have too many meet-ups!

So, what are you waiting for? Dress up and get out there!
Happy International Lolita Day!
(I'm going to a meet-up on saturday too, so keep an eye out for a post with plenty of pictures!)

Wearing Lolita to Special Occasions

Once in a while I see questions about how appropriate Lolita is for various occasions, popping up. This weekend I'll be attending a grand family party. My brother is turning 18 and by danish standards, that makes him a grown-up. As such, you could say that this birthday will be the second most important birthday in his life, next to his first one! 

As much as I love lolita, and as much as I'd love to be dressed up in the coord that I feel most beautiful and comfortable in for this special occasion, I've decided not to. And here is why.

In my opinion, Lolita is just not appropriate for occasions where the spotlight belongs to other people. Lolita is an attention grabbing fashion, and no matter if you or anybody else wants it to or not, it will no doubt take away attention from the bride, the birthday child, the old couple celebrating their 50 years anniversary, the baby etc. 

What do you think people will be remembering afterwards? You will, believe me, be a topic of discussion for most of the guests in the car on the way home. When they should be discussing how much fun they had, and how amazing it is that the couple lasted that long, how beautiful the bride looked, etc.

You might say "What's the big deal?" and I get that. You and I are used to Lolita, we wear it often, and people should in general care less about what other people are wearing on their body. A wedding or a birthday party is just not the place to force people to practice that skill. You take away from the magic of the occasion, and you're stealing someone elses thunder. 

If you're not a classic lolita with a very, very discrete wardrobe, with plenty of tights and petticoats with pretty much no poof, you should just not wear lolita to occasions that revolve around celebrating someone else. Especially not if you know your family, or the center of attention, dislikes the fashion. In my case, I know my mom will (as discreetly as possible) start drama about my fashion choices. This will annoy me, and apparently, it's bothering her. It's just not worth it on a special day when we're supposed to be having fun, and it ruins the atmosphere for everybody else.

So when IS lolita appropriate? Is it ever?

Absolutely! 

On your special occasions, I say go nuts, no matter what anybody else thinks! Your birthdays, your wedding, your anniversary, you decide! If you've been nice enough to not wear it on other peoples' special days, they shouldn't be allowed to complain at all when you're the one calling the shots. If they do, they're just rude.
Also, you should be allowed to wear it to any "neutral" party. That means regular parties, family gatherings with no special center of attention, and the like. 

Oh, and there is one free-pass that you can get to the advice above, of course! If the center of attention tells you that you should wear Lolita to that special occasion of theirs! Then, do what they tells you! You've got an awesome individual right there, and they deserve seeing you dressed to the nines if they love your fashion choices!

It all really just comes down to being considerate of other peoples' feelings, I guess. That, and not being so "considerate" that you're holding back for no reason and let other people rule you on "your own" days.

Obviously it's your decision in the end and you decide what to do. You know your family and your social circle better than I do. But I really think you should think twice before putting on that huge twin-tail wig and Sugary Carnival JSK to your aunt's wedding- You might ruin her day a little bit, and is that worth "standing up for your right to wear whatever you want" for?

Down the Rabbit Hole: New to Lolita

Original picture from Flickr

Someday, somehow, you found your way down the rabbit hole, and arrived in Wonderland. But, oh my! You are not at all dressed for the occasion! How do you start building an appropriate wardrobe? Fear not, let me give you some step-by-step advice to making your first purchases. 

Picture from Clobbaonline

1. Petticoat

I know that you might wanna get right to it and just "Buy a dress already!", but your dress is not gonna look that good without a proper petticoat anyway. The petticoat is the life of your look! It gives your skirt that fluffy A-line or bell-shape that it takes for you to become a lolita. A petticoat is also the one item that you can be very sure that you won't find already in your closet (unless you've already dabbled in another fabulous, poofy vintage style). It will pay off to look up reviews and spend a bit of money on a good, voluminous chiffon or organza petticoat, so that it will not deflate right away. I would recommend checking out Taobao, or Victoriangirldress on Ebay!

Picture from Hellolace

2. Versatile JSK or Skirt

Now that you've got a proper petticoat, it's time to start building a wardrobe for real! The first piece you should get, is a versatile JSK or skirt that can easily be dressed up or down, so that you can use it for any occasion. Look for something simple, but with an interesting pattern or details that can be the focus point when you want to get fancy. This piece should be chosen in that color that you want to build your wardrobe on. A very busy print, Angelic Pretty-style, might be versatile in that you can combine it with more colors, but it is also tougher to go casual with, and it takes a large wardrobe with many accessories to master. 

Picture from Polyvore

3. Shoes

A good pair of shoes that go with most of your wardrobe is essential to finish off your look. They don't need to be the focus point of your outfit, but your old, over-used sneakers just won't do! They can be simple Mary Janes in a neutral color, bought at your local shoe store, or they can be shoes especially designed for lolita that you can get at Taobao, Bodyline or even brand. The most important thing is that they go with your wardrobe! Now that we are at the topic of what to wear on your feet, we should also talk about socks! Apart from being an important part of an outfit, you are also going to be very uncomfortable in your shoes without! You can find cute and elegant tights in most stores and maybe even lolita appropriate ankle socks,  but socks can also be bought second-hand, directly from brands, Antaina on Taobao, or Bodyline.

Picture from Chictini

4. Blouses, Cutsews and Cardigans

Don't be surprised that this is placed so low on the list. The reason is simply that stable items for this point might already be in your wardrobe! A cute t-shirt will work perfectly well with a skirt for a casual look, and cardigans are very often used with a JSK instead of a blouse! If you have an elegant chiffon shirt like the one pictured above, it could also look good under a JSK! Be aware that business-look blouses with pointy collars, even though they might look similar to some lolita blouses and are very job-interview appropriate, just aren't.. lolita-elegant. Blouses can, apart from with a bit of luck in your everyday clothing stores, be bought at Taobao, Bodyline (Beware of the lace-quality!) and of course, second-hand or directly from brands. You might also have luck browsing vintage shops.

Picture from Flickr

5. Accessories!

You probably already have at least a couple of accessories that could work with your lolita look, and if you don't, accessories can be bought anywhere and everywhere! Vintage-looking jewellery is currently very fashionable, so Classic and Gothic lolitas are especially in luck, but it is also possible for the more sweetly-inclined to dig up something nice! The childrens' section usually has adorable hairclips and other goodies. Check out your local Accessorize, H&M or whatever other clothing- and accessory store's near you! Apart from that, you can find plenty of second-hand lolita accessories online and great stuff on Taobao or Etsy. Foxcherry333 is an online taobao store that I am especially fond of (though you will need to use a shoppingservice to buy from her. I recommend Taobaospree!) She makes hair-accessories, hats and much more!  

Building a wardrobe takes a long time! Have patience and enjoy hunting for new items and making your pieces work in a bunch of different ways! 

Now that we've gone through the steps, tell me about your experiences with building a wardrobe! Do you have any advice you'd like to share? Share in the comments below!