torsdag den 11. oktober 2012

Wearing Lolita takes Confidence

Original picture is from Flickr

Apart from your outfit, self-confidence is the second most important thing you can have as a lolita. Self-confidence secures a major part of what it to me means to be one: Being happy with yourself. If you do not feel at home and happy in your clothes, then there is really no reason to wear them, is there? But not feeling confident in your lolita clothes is definetely not the same thing as lolita not being right for you, if you love lolita and wish to be a part of this beloved sub-culture. It just means that you let other people's opinions and ideals, or even your own, tear you down.

It is no secret, that people who wear lolita have a slightly different aesthetic than most people. We love fluffy petticoats, bows, frills and lace, and high-collared blouses, even if some of us don't dress up every day and usually blend in with the flocks on the crowded streets and slip under the radar. But on those days when we choose to put on a JSK and tie our Rocking Horse shoes, we stand out! People stare and whisper amongst themselves, and for some lolitas, dealing with this can be just too difficult.

When you decide that something that is so out of the norm is right for you, reactions from other people are to be expected. Hey, wouldn't you react if you saw someone dressed in a pink suit with a bee-hive hairdo and a rainbow colored poodle? I thought so. Reactions in themselves are not a bad thing, and it would be ridiculous of us to expect other people to act like we don't exist and that we don't "look strange". They are gonna stare, they might even compliment you (Isn't that lovely?), and some of them are gonna be rude or even cruel.
With this I don't mean that you should let yourself get harrassed by other people, just because you know you look different. A head-eating bow is not a "Go for it!"-sign for other people to start slinging insults- or what is worse- at you! Harrasment is always wrong, and if possible, should be reported to whatever authority exists wherever you are at that moment, if you are at the mall or a similar place. What I do mean is that you should not let insults or stares get to you so much that it makes you not wanna wear lolita, or that it even affects how you see yourself. And yes sometimes, well, you should just ignore them!

Some people say that you should turn up your headphones so you won't hear the insults or notice the stares. I think that might actually be a good solution for the first couple of times you are out in lolita, so that you will notice that going out in lolita might not harm you at all.. but after that, unless you have a serious anxiety, I think you should keep the headphones in your pocket, hear the comments people make, and see the stares you receive, and instead practice thinking to yourself, that you are not in the wrong for going out in lolita. 
Empower yourself instead of hiding! 
Remember: The people who are insulting you are always in the wrong, and their bad opinion won't hurt you. Think to yourself, Why would you want these people to like you, anyway? They are closed-minded and rude, and not worth your time. Surely you wouldn't wanna make friends with them! You are expressing yourself, not harming anybody, and you are doing what makes you happy. However, if you do feel that you have reason to fear for your safety, maybe because you live in a particularly risky area, always follow your intuition and don't go out in lolita! Your safety will always come before dressing up nice, as sad as it may sound. If you feel that going out would be unsafe, save lolita for your home, or for meet-ups in more safe areas. 

If you are one of those people who feel that you cannot wear lolita because of your size, your skincolor, freckles, tattoos, piercings, et cetera: You can wear whatever lolita-style you like. Size and anything else that is a part of your body, age and piercings included, does not matter. YOU are not against the "Lolita Rules". What makes us lolitas are the way we dress, that we strive to do it well, and it is about our passion for those clothes that we feel perfectly matches our aesthetics and who we are. There are lolitas who claim that a certain skincolor looks better or worse in lolita, or say that unnaturally colored hair is not lolita appropriate, but that does not reflect the fashion as a whole, that only reflects one lolita's personal opinion and sometimes, more often than not, I'd say, it is just a Behind-The-Bows troll-post. Those lolitas will be part of a whole other post I'm gonna make.

Maybe you are the one telling yourself that you are not good enough for lolita? Because you don't look like whoever is the most praised in the community at the moment, or you just feel that you look sub-par. Well, you don't! Everybody is their own person. There is no one like you, and it makes no sense to compare the way you look with the way another person looks! Look up to other people's styles, the way they do their make-up, their attitude, and let yourself inspire, but don't look up to their face, legs or anything else. You are your own worst critic, and you look just the way you are supposed to look. If you do feel that there is something you need to change to make yourself happier, like getting a tattoo or getting in shape, do so because that's who you wanna be and what you want to do, not to look like somebody else, and not because anybody else said that you are not good enough the way you are. Be good at being yourself, for yourself, and don't aspire to become perfect. Aspire to be happy being you.
Practice telling yourself that you are alright. Even write it down in your own words and keep the note in your wallet or on your bag as a charm to cheer yourself up!

Being a confident lolita is looking in your mirror and being able to honestly say: This is who I want to be. and I don't care what anybody else thinks about that. This is how I feel the happiest, and there is nothing wrong with me! 

I can from my heart say, that I support you in finding the confidence to wear lolita! 

So keep the headphones in your pocket, hold your head high, stay safe and 

Rock Your Frills! 

3 kommentarer :

  1. This post was really sweet. I wrote a similar sort of thing on my own blog, with the same topic of confidence...yet somehow I feel that yours just sounded so much better, and it was also rather inspiring. I myself suffer from confidence issues, even outside of Lolita just in normal clothes. For some of us having confidence isn't the easiest thing to do, and no simple amount of words will solve anyone's problems...yet I feel what you have said has helped quite a lot, and hopefully it hits home with some others.

    Lolita is about dressing for one's self, and you have to have confidence to do that. Even though it isn't easy, it is what makes us happy. I think you wrote a great post, and I look forward to reading more of your blog :)

    1. I'm really touched to hear that my post helped just a little bit. I feel like I wrote this post ages ago but still, after re-reading it, I can say that every word still rings true to me. Being confident is difficult, more so some days than others. After moving to a less lolita-friendly area I found myself wanting to wear lolita less, because of the stares and cat-calls and insults, but lately I've started to care less again. Today I wore lolita to a photoshoot out in town, and I felt happy and confident again, because I felt stunning- And that is what it's all about outside of lolita as well, even if some of us don't care as much about how we look in our "everyday clothes."
      I just checked out your profile real quick, and you look really cute :) Just an honest side-note.
      I hope you'll enjoy hanging around here!

    2. You think I look you are too sweet *-*


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