Your First Meet-Up: Joining the Mad Tea Party

With International Lolita Day coming up this saturday, I thought it would be appropriate to write a post on the topic of the Lolita's very first meet-up. After all, this is the perfect time to go to a meet-up for the first time! There are meet-ups happening all around the world on the same date, and even if there isn't one near you, it's the perfect occasion for you to arrange one! (As if we need an occasion other than just being fabulous people..)

The first Meet-up seems to be the dreaded big test for New Lolitas. It is an event of excitement, but also of great nervousness: Will they like me? Will they all laugh at me and whisper about me behind my back? Will they be embarassed to be seen with me if I happen to be "ita"?It is sad that something that should be looked forward to as something exciting and a chance to meet-up with new people with whom we share a huge interest has turned into an event of insecurity, and this insecurity seems to spread like wildfire through the new members of our community! I don't know from where the rumors of horribly elitist and exclusive meet-ups come from (the fairytale-like land of the "Elitist Lolita", mayhaps?), but I am sure meet-ups in most communities will be a pleasant experience if you just keep the following in mind:

Take Initiative

Even though I do believe that it would be appropriate for the other girls to do their best to engage new members of the community in conversation and make them feel like a part of the group, it won't encourage them to do so if you don't seem interested! Introduce yourself, strike up conversations with as many other people as you can, and don't get intimidated. None of the other participants, even the most fabulously dressed ones, are anything more than ordinary people with at least one interest in common with you, which means that you have plenty of things to talk about, and there's no need to feel like you're "not worthy". 
Ask questions! Where did she get her shoes? How long has he been into the fashion?
Taking initiative is actually a good idea on multiple levels. You can also take initiative before the meet-up! Ask if you should bring something, if there is anything you can help the host/hostess with, if you should plan a game, bring cookies or anything else. Being ressourceful like this is usually a source of admiration and will get you on the community's good side instantly. Also, by planning a game or something like that, you're making sure that you're gonna do something that makes it easier for you to bond with the other girls, if you're no good at the "talking to new people" thing. It's an ice-breaker! 
I recommend charades. It keeps being popular in my own community- It's especially fun if you make the main topic "Print Names" or something else that's Lolita-themed.

At the beginning of this post I made a quick note that if there are no meet-ups going on at ILD in your area, 
You could plan one
 Even if it's gonna be your first meet-up, I recommend it if you think you can handle it! Planning a meet-up is really not that difficult. You'll be responsible, yes, but it's not like you're planning a wedding here. You just have to maintain control over the basic stuff. That means keeping the community updated with the meeting time and place, where you'll be going, writing down who'll be attending to make sure you don't forget anyone at the meeting spot, making sure there's room for you at the café/restaurant/wherever (calling the place in advance or making a reservation), and knowing how to get there. 
That's pretty much it, and I'm sure the community will appreciate it. 
You can never have too many meet-ups!

So, what are you waiting for? Dress up and get out there!
Happy International Lolita Day!
(I'm going to a meet-up on saturday too, so keep an eye out for a post with plenty of pictures!)

52 Weeks: 5 Movies for Lolitas

This week's 52 Week's Blogging Challenge is gonna be number 2, "5 Movies for Lolitas"!

To spice things up a little bit, I'm not gonna mention "Kamikaze Girls" more than this one time. That would be too easy. Instead, I'm gonna focus on 5 movies that put myself in the mood to dress up and twirl around in my frills. 

1. "Interview with the Vampire"

This one pretty much wrote itself. It was the first movie that came to my mind. Lestat's wicked charm, Louis' moody elegance and Claudia's adorable but depressing crazy makes for a great story that any Gothic Lolita or Classic Lolita with a flair for the darkly elegant should give a shot. Sit down with a cup of tea a cold winter evening and let yourself overflow with emotion!
( Mind you, the book is even better!)

2. "Marie Antoinette" by Sofia Coppola

Even if my history teacher had to curl his toes in horror at this film, I found it quite charming. It might not be entirely historically accurate ( I found that it was pretty d*mn close, though!) and puts too much emphasis on decadence, but it's a great story none the less that depicts the "Ultimate Lolita Lifestyle™". I recommend arranging a movie night with your Lolita friends. Make a bunch of tea and macaroons, lounge about in your frilliest pyjamas together and pop in this movie!

3. "Pride and Prejudice"

This list would be incomplete without Pride and Prejudice on the list. Keira Knightley seems to be the female lead in most historical movies about strong and independent women, but that might just be because she does a fantastic job! Elizabeth Bennett is a role model for any aspiring Lolita when it comes to independence and confidence, though she is not without her flaws. She is a very well-written character, and this story just keeps being charming and relevant throughout the ages. There is a reason Jane Austen's works are immortal!
I also recommend reading the book. Jane Austen's sass is still spot on even after 200 years.

4. "Legally Blonde"

This movie is perfect for Lolitas, even if it is not as frilly as the movies above. It has twice the amount of pink to make up for it, though! This movie is all about how you can be feminine, clever and succesful at the same time, and how you can achieve the most if you strive to be your own person and do things your own way.

5.  "Jane Eyre"

Gloomy and romantic are two of the words I'd use to describe this story. It's a very moving story, and shows how a girl can be strong, insist on being herself and overcome a difficult life. That, and it's got an element of mystery that keeps you on your toes through the entire film! I strongly recommend it to anybody that likes darker historical films.

These are a couple of the films I love that I find to be the most "Lolita". 
Do you have any movies that you'd like to recommend? Let me know in the comments!

Oh, and check out the list of the 52 Topics that I have to get through to find out which I've already done!

Body Shaming and Dressing for your Body Type

Trigger Warning!

(This post will contain my personal experiences with unhealthy eating habits and related issues)

I have been through a lot in the weight-department in general, and lately I've been through a small personal crisis that prompted me to write this post. 

I'm a little bit better now, though, as small victories are usually enough to get me to snap out of it.

Since I first got into this fashion there has been a monster hiding under every Lolita's bed. One that frequently sticks out it's ugly head and grins at us from meanspirited secrets, 4Chan and through fights in online communities: Body shaming. The dreaded "Fatty-chan". 

I've heard claims that body shaming is even harsher in the Gyaru community, but that doesn't take away from my observations that I think Lolita is particularly prone to being sensitive to the topic of body weight, probably because you have to be of a certain size to be able to fit into the majority of readily-made Lolita pieces, from blouses to skirts. Even socks! (or else you stretch the print and it looks.. wonky)

As secrets also show, many Lolitas feel a pressure because of this. A pressure to lose weight to be able to fit into the dresses. They feel bad about the way they look, they fear that people will look down upon them for being on the bigger side of the scale.
I know that there are girls who have a tough time because of being underweight too, but from my observations they are generally envied, not shunned because of their weight.

I have felt the pressure of mean, weight-related secrets on my own body, so I know how it feels. 

Of course I am against body shaming of any kind, as I am of the opinon that people should generally mind their own business when it comes to other people's looks, but I find that Lolita is a great motivator when it comes to losing weight!

I myself was overweight and unhappy for many years. Not just unhappy with the way I looked as an overweight person, but also unhappy with how hindered I felt as a side-effect of this. I couldn't run with my classmates in gym classes, I fell behind when biking into town with my friends, and it was hard! Lolitas was part of what finally motivated me to get up from the couch, eat healthy and do something about it! I lost a bunch of weight and was finally happy with myself.
Therefore I give Lolita an A+ as a motivational factor. The thing is- I got overly motivated, I guess you could say. I got so scared of gaining weight again so I wouldn't be able to fit into anything and in general would not look pretty anymore, that I was too scared to eat much more than an apple for breakfast, one slice of dry bread with nothing on top for lunch, and a tiny portion of vegetables for dinner. It was unhealthy, to say the least, and Lolita could do nothing to save me from what I was doing to myself. 

It was only the support from my family that got me out of it again. 

All of this was probably the result of body shaming. My goal became "becoming thin", not "becoming healthy".
Why would I care so much, if not for the gloryfication of thinness and the shaming Lolitas get for being overweight?

Well, what was my point? Oh, yes!

Lolita can look great on anyone. And I do mean anyone. I already knew that before I lost weight- I had no problem being confident about my looks in Lolita before I lost weight. I thought I looked great in Lolita! I just wanted to be able to fit into brand dresses and not just Taobao made-to-fit.

Size doesn't matter, as the key to looking good in Lolita has nothing to do with size at all.

The key is: Dressing for your body type.

Dressing for your body type as in dressing for what YOU think looks good on your body type.

I am not a fan of the “Do I Look Fat In These Jeans" mentality, as it is all about fitting into a certain “mold”, that is the socially accepted idea of “what looks attractive”.

Your idea of the “ideal body type” should be one that makes you feel good.

If you think that a shirt looks good, even if somebody says it makes your nose look fat, wear it!

 It is a lot more important to feel at ease in your own body. If you’re proud of or cool with a part of your body that other people would tell you to hide, don’t worry about it.

Flaunt it, if that makes you feel confident!

If you do, however, like the commonly accepted hourglass-figure ideal, I have a couple of pointers, and this is just my opinions and general observations. Mind you, some of them might not agree with whatever you’ve read in books on this topic.

1.     Puffed sleeves tend to hide wide shoulders.

I know this is actually quite the opposite of the popular dress-up tips, but I am not of a elfish body type myself, and I find that sleeves with puffy shoulders tend to hide this. After all, you can’t really tell how much is puff and how much is body!

2.     Let the “tight” part of the dress stop at the smallest part of your body.

This way, it will accentuate the smallest part of you, be it below your bust, at your waist or wherever else.

3.     Wear tights!

If you have naturally short legs, or your legs tend to stretch printed socks, wear tights. This also helps if your dress is a tad on the short side.

And this last one is completely unrelated and more a result of a discovery of mine...

4.     Wear bonnets.

Always wear bonnets. They look perfect on anybody.

Remember: You could ignore all of the above! 

Wear whatever you love, and what makes you feel good!

Stay safe, treat yourself well, and forget “BtB”secrets.

Your opinion is the one that rules.

52 Weeks: How Lolita has Changed Me

This is my 3rd week in this challenge, and well, well.. if it isn't already time for number 52! I feel like I got the big, deep question so soon.. but well, I promised to go random! This weeks blogpost is gonna be about how Lolita has changed me.
And boy, has Lolita changed me!

I'd say that Lolita has made me...


..let the outside match the inside.
I got into Lolita in 2010, at the age of 17.
Before then, I had slowly started developing into a "typical girl" when it came to fashion, make-up and the like. Yup, I was very late to the party in that area. Before then, I had always been a tomboy.
I know a lot of girls who got into Lolita from being interested in japanese fashion, goth, couture fashion or some other unusual fashion-style, and from the pictures I have seen, they were all very thorough in their look before they decided to get into Lolita fashion instead. I had to start from the very bottom. I had always worn jeans, oversized sweaters and never even put my hair up in a ponytail or wore any make-up what so ever. I never bought new clothes, because as I said:
"I want stuff that is actually useful!"

Lolita made me discover that clothes and make-up can be, well... Useful.
 It's like being your own fairy godmother.
Now it matters to me that the outside reflects what's on the inside, and I enjoy looking pretty.

...Consider more ways to go with my future.
I have always been a big history geek, but Lolita broadened my horisont even further. Before I got into Lolita, it never occured to me to look into French history, the Victorian era or any other period after the Renaissance. The historical roots of Lolita inspired me to look up the 18th and 19th century, which in turn made me fall in love with historical costuming, which then again got me to stumble upon the regency era. It opened up my eyes to 200 years of awesome history that I had never bothered to look into before and now, I think I might just try and specialize my studies in that field!

...Fill out my life with things that have meaning.
Kind of related to the above, Lolita fashion also opened my eyes to a world of new interests and good reads I had never thought of on my own. My new interest in the 17th and 18th century made me want to read up on old fairytales, read Jane Austen and gothic books like "Interview with the Vampire" and watch more historical or period-inspired movies like "Jane Eyre". Like many other Lolitas, I'm also looking for sewing classes in my area. I've always liked drawing, but Lolita has inspired me to do it more often.

...More open and accepting.
Meet-ups with my local community has kind of forced me to open up. Before I got into Lolita, I always only had a small group of friends, which meant that I was kind of lonely. I never wanted to talk to people that I didn't think I had anything in common with. At first I thought that meet-ups would be the perfect way to expand my social circle to include more people that were just like myself, but it turned out to be very different from what I'd expected. Lolitas are a surprisingly diverse bunch! Now I'm a lot more open to making friends with people who have a lot of different interests and are just very different types of people from myself.

...Made me stronger and more aware.
Lolita has made made me realize how tied down everybody are by society's expectations, which has made me stand up for my right to be myself a lot more, and in general made me care a lot less what other people think. I am not, and will not, be ashamed of what I like, from MLP: FiM to Supernatural.
In the same department, Lolita has made me aware of how women are still discriminated against and in general treated as if they are below men. It has made me aware of phenomena such as "rape-culture", and feminism in general. The blogger of Herlumpiness was the one who first inspired me to look this topic up, and I'm really glad I did!

All in all, I'd say that Lolita has made me a more complete person. It has enriched my life in so many ways!

Well, this was a really interesting challenge to do! It could actually be fun to come back some day and see if I've discovered something new and different about myself.

To see the complete list of 52 Weeks I have to get through and which challenges I've already done, click here!

How has Lolita changed you? Has it made a great impact on your life, apart from the obvious?

Why Lolita Isn’t Feminist but Most Lolitas Probably Are So.

When I was writing the “Sexy Lolita?” post I got inspired to open up a can of worms and discuss feminism and Lolita a bit more, but I decided that this subject was big enough to deserve it’s own post. 

Lolita is from my own experience often described as a bit of a “rebel fashion-choice”, in it’s own refined and elegant way. Quite at the opposite end of the line from the torn look of punk. Most Lolita handbooks think that Lolita even might have started out as the chosen look of Japanese women who wanted to rebel against the strict dress-code and culture that kept women in “their place”, which would not surprise me. We’ve had our fair share of youth rebellions in the West too.

The question is, if Lolitas are still in the midst of a rebellion. If Lolita started out as a feminist rebellion in Japan, which it could definitely be described as, if the idea was to free women from a patriarchic society in the 70’s or 80’s, or whenever Lolita was born.

You can look at this question in two ways:

In my opinion, a fashion in itself cannot be feminist. Clothes cannot stand up to anything. What makes a fashion a way to rebel, is the value that you put into it, of course! And this value may be different for anyone.

It is widely accepted that you are a Lolita as soon as you put on a coordinate that can be described as a Lolita outfit and call yourself a “Lolita”. You do not have to sign your name in blood on a contract or go through any rituals or get a tattoo. In short, you’re not tying yourself up to any promises of loyalty to a set of values. You’re wearing an outfit that you think is pretty and that has personal value to you on some level.

Lolita clothes might at some point have been a tell-tale sign of a young woman who did not want to be tied down. Much the same way punk used to have a deeper meaning than misfit teens wearing pins on their backpacks for school.

Today, at least in western society, Lolita does not have that connotation and might have never had it.

But can Lolita be described as feminist, even if the clothes bear no meaning in themselves? Well, I'd say no. But I do think Lolita has a tendency to attract feminists. Both people who claim the lable, and people who just so happens to be very openminded and "modern" in their worldview.
Some of you people out there who have fallen prey to the mainstream misunderstanding of feminism might be a tad bit confused, but you might just be a feminist yourself without even knowing it.

Even the ones of you who're guys.

Lolita is a little less mainstream than most alternative fashion-styles out there, which means that you'd probably have to be extraordinarily open-minded to things that are different. From what I've observed, just.. you know.. living on a day-to-day basis, open-mindedness tends to go hand in hand with the idea that everybody should be equal. Which is the core idea of feminism- Men and women are equally capable, equally worthy of respect, and they should be treated as equals in all aspects of life. Simple as that.

Most people I've met are not dressing in Lolita to prove a point, but because they love it.

 I've met some people who do dress in it because they're tired of sexism and want to get away from it- Which would make their particular Lolita-life a statement. But Lolita in itself is not a feminist movement, and I kind of like it that way, even though I myself support feminism fully. 

Lolita is a free space for self expression, with room for you to put in whatever values you please. 

Though I'm kind of proud of the kind of people it attracts, at least where I live.

There is nothing better than celebrating whatever has value to you when you're in Lolita, being around openminded and non-judging souls who love the same thing you do, but for their own reasons.

LBC: What My Family Thinks About Lolita Fashion

Welcome to yet another week of carnical festivities and fun here on "The Star"!

This weeks topic is "What my Family Thinks About Lolita Fashion".
(And it's gonna be my last post before I go to England for the Doctor Who 50th anniversary! Yay! If there are any Whovians out there and you recognize me or something, please say hi!)

Back on topic!
If you are not one of the lucky few whose parents adore your Lolita clothes, there could be a huge variety of reasons they dislike it. Usually it would probably have to do with how different it looks, how it could scare other people away, etc. Which is also part of the dislike I am experiencing from my family.

I've been wearing Lolita for about 3 years now, and for the first 2-2½ years I lived with my parents and wore it on a daily basis.

 (Wearing Lolita every day is a lot easier when you take the buss/walk to school.)

Back then, I guess my parents pretty much just dealt with it. I insisted on dressing up every morning in tophats and bows, and I even wore it when I went out with them to eat dinner and anything else. 

Frustratingly enough, it seems that my mom slowly got fed up with it. In the beginning, she claimed that she liked how I dressed, even if it was a bit formal for her tastes. Then she disliked my shoes. Then my bows. Then she no longer wanted to be seen with me in it. It has gone steadily downhill from then, to her now trying to passive-aggressively talk me out of wearing Lolita all together, by making comments on my Facebook photos along the lines of "You look so much prettier in the one with your normal clothes!"

If you cannot tell, it does bother me a bit, and I let her know. I think her behavior is a mixture of her plain dislike for my clothes, and her worrying that Lolita might scare potential future son-in-laws away. I wouldn't expect that she's be able to understand the "not with boyfriends in mind" aspect of dressing in Lolita fashion.

My dad is a lot more open-minded, but that might have something to do with my rarely wearing it when I go somewhere with him, mostly because being around him and going out usually involves a lot of biking. But back when I lived with him, he didn't comment on it much. He once said that it makes me look bigger than I am, which I understand as he is not used to petticoats. I can see past that and see the smaller waist that the contrast creates, but apparently he can't. He has also claimed that I'm trying to "become a tiny asian girl" by wearing Lolita, which I found to be a lot more frustrating- Who said that I dislike being European? I just like pretty clothes!
But there is a logical explanation- He witnessed my very embarassing weaboo age, and well, I was very overweight too. Which would explain his emphasis on how "tiny" asian girls are.
Recently he has been more open to understanding where I'm coming from and how beautiful it makes me feel, which I appreciate.

My brother hasn't said anything for years, though in the beginning he insisted on refering to it as a costume, and the rest of my family doesn't comment on it at all. I guess they accept it, and may have gotten used to it.

That would be the general attitudes from my family.
To me, acceptance is more important than them "liking it". I deal with the passive-aggressiveness from my mom, but I might try to confront her with it again soon. It's getting old..
The rest, I can live with. The least family could do, in my opinion, is accept each others' clothing choices. People in general should care less about other people's choices, as long as they're not harming anyone.

Peace out?

Wanna find out how other parental units respond to Lolita?
Visit some of the below!

Geisha Baby
Imaprincess
Lace a la Mode
Sunsinourhands
Pretty Little Habits
A Sweet Lolita's Disney Life

Sweet Indeed
Hello Batty
The Bloody Tea Party

Sexy Lolita?

I shouldn't have to warn you about this, but well: 
Slightly feminist post ahead! You have been warned!

Last week a topic was brought up on EGL that had a bunch of people screaming "troll!", gasping in horror or hiding under their beds. Sexyness and all related topics are what can best be described as taboo in Lolita.

The question was, whether you do or do not feel sexy in your Lolita clothes. Many people responded with something along the lines of "No, I do not see Lolita as sexual" or "No, I do not think Lolita clothes are sexy in any way". That was also pretty much my response- But then a user wrote something that I found interesting, and that made me think.

She/He commented on how many positive feelings that women have, are turned "sexual" in some way. "Confidence is sexy", "Being comfortable is sexy", "A happy woman is a sexy woman" etc.
I am sure you have seen or heard something a kin to this at some point recently.

How often do you hear something similar said about a man?
How often are men asked if a particular shirt, suit, pair of pants or any other clothing item makes them feel sexy?

This topic brings up a couple of very interesting issues, at least in my opinion.
Why are the way women feel being sexualized, even when that feeling has nothing to do with a boyfriend/girlfriend or sexual themes?
And why do people within our own community have an interest in whether or not other Lolitas feel sexually attractive in their Lolita clothes?

Interesting thoughts, that I think mostly have roots in a culture that is very dominant in most cultures I have knowledge of. The very simple principle that women are, well, sexualized, and that principle is in-grained in men as well as women.
Women accept that it is the norm in our culture for women to strive to look and feel sexual at all times.

"Smile! You look so much prettier that way!", not because we want you to be happy.
Why are you not looking pretty for us? Correct that right away!

From what I've heard and experienced in Lolita culture, a lot of girls are attracted to Lolita fashion to get away from the pressure to look and feel sexualized. It is a relaxing- getting away from the pressure and society's expectations. This causes a knee-jerk reaction when the outside culture knocks on the door and somebody brings up the "horrible, dreaded and dirty" topic of sexuality in this safehaven of non-sexualness.

Even if all of the above sounds like I'm banishing everything that has to do with sex from "My Lolita", that is not the case. I think the sexual part of human existence has it's place in Lolita as well. And not just in Ero-Lolita.

Hear me out!

To me, Lolita is partially about being free from society's expectations on how a woman should look, act and feel. This means being free from restrictions in general.
Lolita is about the ultimate freedom to look and feel like yourself- It would take away from this freedom to beat yourself up over feeling sexy in Lolita.
 If you feel empowered and sexy in Lolita, so be it! You're living your dream, aren't you?
Why should my feeling of being strong, whimsical and beautiful in Lolita be any "better" or more "right" than feeling sexy and confident? Lolita is about something different for everyone.

Lolita might not be "sexy" in the conventional sense, but that doesn't mean that you can't feel sexy!

Lolita is the freedom to look and feel the way that is right and true for you, after all.